She married herself | Featured Artiste: Josh

What happens when a woman pays her own bride price? Okay, let me clarify the context.  I am referring to cultures in Nigeria where the man pays the bride price to the bride's family as part of the traditional wedding rites.  But what if the man cannot afford the bride price and the woman actually provides the money for the bride price? The man's "paying" is therefore a mere formality and all goes as planned, I am guessing.  But, here's my concern:  if a man cannot pay the bride price, is he ready to marry? Plus, since the money technically came from her own pocket (and is going to her family for the purpose of marrying her), can we say that she has married herself?

[Eru Iyawo]
I know it sounds absurd, but here's why I raised the issue: if a woman takes on the role of a man before the marriage, she can expect to keep playing that role for the duration of the marriage.  So when the man in question allows her to keep playing the role of the man in the marriage, can she still legitimately complain seeing the "informal" agreement they had prior to marriage?

Of course, the scenario I just described assumes that the status quo is that the man is the bread-winner and should provide for the family, especially since he is expected to make more money that the woman.  We all know though that in reality, there are many homes where the woman is the bread-winner for various reasons ranging from the husband's unemployment to his choice of profession to other miscellaneous and assorted activities e.g. No-Future-Ambition Chairman, 3-time President of the "Couch Potatoes Club", etc. So who do the children in that marriage take their cue from? Mum or dad?  This really goes to the heart of what type of values such children will have, depending on whether or not the woman chooses to respect her husband in spite of the fact that he is financially less buoyant than she is.  Just wondering sha ...

Featured Artiste: Josh

Josh is today's featured artiste.  You can listen to his song, "Nago" below:

[Josh / ReverbNation]


The Good: I LOVE LOVE LOVE the intro (including the beats that build anticipation) where the male voices chant / sing in acapella in another language, and the solo male voice punctuates that part with "Eleeeee!" (That's what he says, right?) That, to me, was the best part of the song. Abeg, if you sabi the language, share it with me.  God bless you in advance.  I also like the beat.  It is pretty simple and for some reason reminds me of the 1990s.  The violin (or similar string instrument) that plays consistently in the background adds a nice touch.  But hands down, my favorite parts of the song are those little pockets where the music is reduced to a minimum and the male voices sing in another language in acapella.  I wish that could have been repeated more often in the song.  I also like the repitition of "Nago" which is the title of the song throughout the length and breath of the song.  The lead male vocal was okay and the background vocals were also fine.  The song comes across as a "no-frills" type praise song and for that purpose alone, the combination of instrumentation and vocals worked well.

The Bad: The intro where the male voice is announcing who the people featured on the track are was unnecessary in my opinion.  It just came across as wasting precious time on the track and seemed like it was just "filling empty space" before getting to the verses.  That whole section could have been eliminated.  The acapella part ALONE should have been the intro and that to me, would have been way better.  In fact, the song itself seemed filled with "space fillers" (that's the way I can describe it), i.e. beats playing with the soloist just adlibbing rather than singing a verse.  That could have been reduced to improve the quality of the song.  The rap was just okay.  I am not sure what else could have replaced the rap, but it could have been A LOT better.  It came across as an amateur attempt at combining rap with reggae.  I am not too sure about the outro.  I like the concept, i.e. let the instruments fade out and let the violin play by itself till the end.  The concept is fine, but the delivery was shaky.  It could have been executed more properly. At 4 minutes and 25 seconds, the song was a bit too long.  It could have been shortened and still achieved the desired result.  The songwriting could have been better, but it was okay.

Finally, some more information on today's featured artiste:

Artiste's Stage Name:  Josh

Artiste's Real Name: #Idontknow

... And that's all folks! Have a lovely "rest-of-the-week!"

hmmmm, I am no supporter of all of that.A man should be a man , a woman wasnt made to be a man. It sad to see though that this actually does happen ! nice post dear. happy new year


Hmmm... may God never let us find ourselves in a situation where we will consider doing things we never imagined we could do

lol at 
No-Future-Ambition Chairman, 3-time President of the "Couch Potatoes Club, hehehe some men are just eh....

I think it's all this America nonsense that is causing palava. Women wanted rights to be treated as equals but trust African men to take it a notch higher and presume that since their wife is a nurse they can sit back at home and chill. Honestly, African men (in America especially) have the capacity to be the biggest breed of bums the world has ever seen. 

Once upon a time, in the time of my father, back when men still had pride tell me which African man will consent or even feel good letting his wife buy all the food for the house and him sef will come and be eating  talk less of paying the bride price. 

Sha the woman who paid the brideprice should accept whatever she gets though.

LMAO.... I love the way you write. I think it depends on the relationship, in a situation where the guy is sincere and hard working, I think it is okay. But then again, I think pride prize and all the jazz is just unnecessary tradition, back in the way  it was probably a way to measure a mans worth ( His ability to farm and feed his family), converted to modern day context, pride price should run in the millions so only the truly worthy will be able to afford a bride. soooooo... yeah... I am not sure if that made sense. Off to sleep now.

Whilst I believe culture is dynamic and should be open to change, I do strongly believe that there are elements of our culture we should not sacrifice in the name of modernity. There's a reason why God created a woman from a man. The more human beings try to do things to create an imbalance of natural existence the more problems we store up for the present and the future.
Very insightful post though, well done.

I will go with 9jaFoodie on this one. It's a case by case basis. If the guy is just lazy, then I dont support that. The fact that a man cannot afford the bride price, take for example, in some cultures where the bride price is almost as huge as the cost of buying a brand new van, are we now going to say because he can't afford it, he is not ready to marry?

I think the most pertinent thing to check here is... its not the money in the pocket that defines whether a man is ready or not. Especially in Nigeria where many people are paid below the minimum wage... should a man who is mature enough to marry keep waiting till fuel subsidy is totally removed before we adjudge that he is 'ready' to marry? I mean, is monetary value the definition of 'ready' nowadays in the eyes of the femsters?


I think it just depends on the man. If really the man is lazy then a woman shouldn't spend her time with him, cos in Nigeria where there aren't any strong rules protecting women, she would end up suffering with no help. But if it that the man is trying then thats different. And besides some of this bride prices are so outrageous. I cant even imagine where they get it from. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Love the way you write.

Ibifiri Kamson

Happy New Year to you too, Uduak.  I like how you didn't sugarcoat it: A man should be a man; a woman was not made to be a man.  If you tell these women this now, they will say you don't want them to marry, when the underlying issue is the man rising up to his responsibilities.  Thanks for stopping by ;-)

Amen o, Atilola.  That one na potent prayer.  But where there is an element of choice, may God give us the wisdom to choose wisely because our choices will affect not just us, but our children as well.  

Abi o! Some men are just ... in fact, no words to describe them ...

As for the woman who pays her own brideprice, as she has laid her bed, abi ... 

There is always the possibility of extremes being involved in any movement, and the feminist movement is not exempted.  I would have to say that it is an individual thing though because there are men who no matter how much their wives earn, will never let her usurp "power" or "authority" from them. And then, there are men who are just fine with it.  And such men have a way of hooking up with women who don't mind doing the work for 2 *smh*

Thanks for the compliments o jare.  

Ha ha ha! Pele ... See tiredness! LOL! I was able to make some sense out of what you said though.  If the guy is sincere and hardworking, then we have nothing to fear.  I will chuck it down to "condition" (de kain wey dey make crayfish bend) and they can work it out.  But my concern is with the men who start the marriage loafing off the woman (with her permission of course) and continue during the marriage.  I know bride price runs into very ridiculous amounts nowadays, but I am not even referring to those "extreme cases."  After all, people who aren't millionaires get married everyday.  These things can be negotiated.  I am assuming the bride price is reasonable (not millions) and negotiated to a decent and affordable rate, and the man can still not afford it.  Then, the questions arise ...

Thanks for the compliments, Naija4Life. You make a very strong point there with your imbalance argument.  Without going into details of creation or biology and all that, I believe men and women have different roles to perform for things to run smoothly.  Even though those lines have been blurred by the modernization of society, marriage demands a clear definition of those roles and it becomes imperative that like you said there are certain aspects of our culture we must not discard.  Deciding which aspects to keep or discard na anoda tory for anoda day.

LDP, I agree with you and 9jaFoodie that we have to analyze this on a case by case basis.  Like I told her, where the man is just loafing off the woman prior to and during the marriage, it is NOT acceptable.  But since we cannot control people and their choices, they will live with those choices.  Let me clarify this bride price issue.  I am not referring to the exorbitant and downright ridiculous bride prices that I have heard about (and I am guessing that was what you had in mind).  Not everyone has a money tree in their backyard (Do you? LOL!) The bride price is supposed to be symbolic, but it has evolved into a way of extorting money and other items from the husband-to-be in the name of marriage.  

I am referring to a reasonable and affordable bride price (which I believe they actually negotiate), which the man might still not be able to afford.  What I really had in mind was a scenario where the man lives above his means and has given his in-laws the impression that he has more money that he really does, when in reality, it's the babe that makes more money.  Hence the need to continue the deception by the woman giving the man money to pay her own bride price.  The fuel subsidy wahala will only complicate things. Maturity is key here, but maturity does not pay for the wedding and does not pay the bills.  

There we go! I like the way you put it: a woman who ends up with a lazy man will suffer for it.  If the man is trying, then this does not apply to him.  The focus is really on men who loaf off of women.  That is unacceptable no matter what the perceived benefits to the woman might be in the beginning.  Yes, some of the bride prices are ridiculous, but I was not referring to those, thankfully.  

Thanks a lot for the compliments and for visiting my blog :-)

I get what you mean now... :)

I like your new template. You're tempting me to change mine, this girl. lol


The language is Igala from the eastern part of Kogi State, i know this because i schooled in those parts, Nago is the Igala word for than you, while Ojo is God.

I like the new look, wish i can do wonders with this things like you do,let me also use this medium to thank you for promoting Praizhouse, Mucha Gracias


Ha ha ha! Yield not to temptation o ... But you can change yours now if you need to. If not, leave it as is :D

Kay, you are God-sent! Honestly! Who would have imagined that you would know the language and the part of Nigeria where it is spoken.  What a small world.  Thanks so much for the translation and information.  I really appreciate it.  You know I was clueless. LOL! Now, at least I have an idea. Ope o!

Thanks for the compliments on the new look.  I guess we should thank God for the designer :-) And of course you're welcome as per promoting/supporting PraizHouse.  'Tis my pleasure :D


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