5 Ridiculous Things Nobody Expects But Actually Happen at a Church Night Vigil

How was your weekend?  Mine was quite uneventful.  Hopefully you had more fun than I did.  Just don’t rub it in, okay? *grumbling*

For the purposes of this blog post, I will be referring to Nigerian churches.  But, if your church has night vigils, even if it is not a Nigerian church, let me know if any of these things happen at your church too.  Oh wait, I am assuming you know what a night vigil is.  My bad! Here's a quick definition:

A night vigil is a church service or church program that usually holds from 9 or 10 p.m. (typically on Friday night) till the wee hours of the next morning.  Like 5:00 a.m.  It varies from church to church, but I think this definition covers most churches.

Normally, people attend night vigils for all sorts of reasons: prayer, worship, rehearsals (for those involved in certain ministries), etc.  That's not what this list is about.  Like the title suggests, this list covers things you don’t expect to happen at night vigils but happen anyway.  Did I just repeat the title? Totally.
So, here is my list:


Yes, things get stolen at night vigils.  I hope that if you're reading this, you don't for one second think that church is the one place where you can let down your hair and leave your stuff unattended.  Okay, in a perfect world, it should be.  But, in reality, it isn't.  All sorts of people come to church, for all sorts of reasons.

Some of the people who fall into the "all sorts of people" category include: practicing thieves, recovering kleptomaniacs, etc.  People steal money from the offering bucket, and anything else that is portable.  I am sure there is a church that has had the pulpit stolen.    Unsurprisingly, people also steal bibles.  Many crimes are crimes of opportunity.  Night vigils provide lots of opportunities for theft.  Be careful.


As in, using curse words.  I already told you the story of how I heard my friend use the "F-word" in church many years ago.  It was during a night vigil.  I imagine that this is not a thing of the past.  So, don't be surprised.


Look, this happens on Sundays too.  When people are leaving the church parking lot, they can get into arguments with others, if for example, there is a car blocking their car, or the people leaving are driving too slowly.  It gets crazy.  Throw in a man or woman with a bad temper in the mix, and you can watch a free boxing match there and then.  Yes, there will be curse words.  Technically, this is likely to happen AFTER the vigil, but I'm not changing the title just because you noticed this technicality.  So there.


Still on the parking lot issue, a double-crossed lover who attends the same church can "key" her ex-boyfriend's car while he is in the church lifting unholy hands.  Of course, the boyfriend can do the same to her car if he is the one who has been hurt.  Either way, that car will need some body work.  A fresh coat of paint, maybe?  Let's hope the security guard isn’t asleep while this is going on.  Oh wait, there is no security guard in some churches.  Too bad.

5.  SEX

Now this one is sad.  Why? Because both consensual and non-consensual sex goes on in churches.  Consensual, of course would be between two adults (or dare-devil teenagers).  But non-consensual sex would be sexual abuse of minors.  Listen, pedophiles visit churches too.  In fact, they are active church members, and that means they also attend night vigils.  Parents, please be vigilant.

So, what ridiculous or crazy thing have you witnessed or heard of that happens at night vigils?  Kindly share.

*Image Source

Unfortunately, I have actually witnessed all 5 happen in church. Not necessarily at vigils though.


Its funny how people can do these kind of things in church...no fear!


Its soo sad :( There is no fear of God.


All those things make me sad especially the last, but it shows it is still humans that are just church goers.

Barbara: Thanks for confirming this. And it's true: this does not only happen during vigils.

Sisi Yemmie: That's it: People don't fear God. Arguably though, no one should be doing anything on this list, even outside church.

Tomilola: Exactly. People don't fear God or man. That's the conclusion because most of the items up there are crimes.

Myne: It certainly does. Children get abused by people who are familiar to them, not just by complete strangers, and church provides such an environment, unfortunately.

The one I see all the time is sleep. They way they start with fire and passion. 2hrs later they are snoring.


Umar: Lol! Somewhere on this planet, there are several video tapes and CDs of church folks in various stages of sleep. From the occasional nodder to the full-blown snorer with drool. They're all caught on tape, somewhere. I am sure of this.

If you are reading this and you have such incriminating evidence in your possession, YouTube is a free and friendly resource. Upload away!

P.S. If you see me in that video, send me an e-mail first, let's negotiate ...

WHat i think about is this: WHat if the trumpet sounds when any of these things are happening? Kai, what would be your defense??


Toin: I doubt that the trumpet blast is even remotely on their minds when they're doing these things. No defense at that point o. :-(


I would love to hear your thoughts. Please Share.

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