6 Popular Hair Styles for Nigerian School Boys Guaranteed to Raise their Parents' Blood Pressure


Unless your parents are very liberal, chances are they restrict what you can do with your body under their roof.  By 'under their roof,'  I don't mean the house they built with their own blood and sweat.  That's unnecessary, and you would be inviting trouble if you dared to challenge your father especially on why he has not built a house like your friend's father (insert name of friend here).  

[Source]
But this is not about houses, rented or bought.  It's about your hair (or lack of it).  I had primary school and secondary school students in mind for this post because for the most part, they are still minors living with their parents at this stage.  The following list covers a few hairstyles, outside of the typical Gorimapa and Tyson,  which are guaranteed to raise your parents' blood pressure.  Of course, I hope you'll want to do the opposite.

Recommended Reading: All Ages

Here we go:

1.   Dread Locks (a.k.a Dada) 

Dreadlocks | Source
Dreadlocks are also called 'Irun Dada' in Yoruba.  Now I don't know how you'll be growing dreadlocks under your parents roof without their knowledge, but let's assume you're able to pull it off.  That is, until one day when Ghen Ghen! Your parents pull off your bandana and see the locks on your head. After asking you if you want to grow up to be a cultist (referring, of course, to the red and black bandana on your head), a few things are likely to happen at this point.  But, I will only offer one scenario.

Chances are your parents will tie your arms and legs down as they yell for the driver (if they have one; if not, they'll call one of your siblings) to bring the following items so that 'this boy will not disgrace us.'  Chances are that your father is the one ordering the driver about while your mother stands nearby either egging him on or repeating 'Blood of Jesus' while asking him to take it easy. 

The following items will appear within a few minutes: razor blade, comb, a pair of scissors, clipper and belt to flog you after the ordeal.  More than likely the razor blade and comb will do the job for the clipper, but who knows.  Your parents might be considerate in spite of their rapidly rising blood pressure and use a clipper instead.  

I am not quite sure whether the driver or your father will barb the hair, but either way you'll be left with zero coverage, i.e. Gorimapa (a.k.a bald head). Which leads us to Number 2.

2.  Mohawk dyed Red or Blue 
or similar outrageous color

Mohawk dyed red and blue | Source

Mohawk (no dye) | Source

Even if you're patriotic and decide to dye this Mohawk green and white, it won't redeem you. According to your parents, you resemble a male fowl.  This comment will swiftly be followed by another comment on your wasting school fees. Afterwards, you'll end up like your friend in #1: bald and flogged

3.  'Chook-Chook' hair (a.k.a Micro-coils)

Chook-Chook Hair | Source

I am not sure about the the official name for this one, hence the improvised name but the picture should help. I think they are called Micro-coils though.  Your parents will probably mention the words 'criminal' and 'bus conductor' in the same sentence with that hair style and as you know that's not a good thing. They will ask you how many doctors or lawyers (Those being the only relevant professions in this life, after all) wear their hair in this manner. Warning: Do NOT ANSWER. That is a trick question. They will finish you if you do. Be a good boy and keep quiet. I hope you took pictures before they found out because that hair style has gotta go. Once you get to the university, you can twist, coil, dye, and do anything you want.

4.  Relaxed/Retouched hair

Relaxed Hair | Source

You will be asked if you are a woman and might be asked other similar offensive questions. But that's beside the point. Gorimapa straight.

5.   Braided / Plaited Hair

Braided / Plaited Hair | Source

Abomination! And please don't produce pictures or stories of ancient warriors from your tribe who used to braid their hair. Wrong Answer. Only girls apparently are allowed to braid their hair.  The countdown to university begins.

6. Afro

Classic Afro | Source

Your parents will raise the disgrace card again citing neighbors wagging tongues as their excuse.  Examples of questions that might be thrown at you, include (but are not limited to): 'Do you want people to think you don't have money to barb your hair? And you had better not answer.  If you answer, then I wonder where you were when your English teacher was explaining 'Rhetorical Questions' in class.

And that is all. Oh, wait.  Just in case you were wondering what a normal or accepted hair style or hair cut for a Nigerian school boy looked like, here are your choices:

Tyson 

Tyson Hair Cut on both boys | Source
NOTE:  The 'lying-in-the-grass-and-stroking-your-chin' pose is NOT required, especially if there is no single strand of hair under the said chin.

Gorimapa (a.k.a Bald Head)

Gorimapa (focus on the boy on the right)  | Source

Vegetable oil or pomade to shine head NOT necessary. 

You're welcome!  

Hi Relentless builder, the Tyson and Gorimapa styles may be tolerated by some parents. The other ones, I will prefer not to have a child with any of those styles in my class. Parents! wahala dey o.

Eya

That relaxed hair pic is not just it. Loads of teenagers in my church have afro, and they still live with their parents, in fact, they are in secondary school, so I don't think Afro should make the list.

@ilola

lolllll...............
The cutest boy in my class in primary school braided his hair. Yes, people talked but the parents said they wanted it that way

Lue

OMG... craig david... sorry, I was going to leave an 'insightful' comment but his pic distracted me lol :P

None of these hairstyles seem over the top to me except the relaxed hair and the colored hair (not the mohawk in of its self) simply because I am for natural hair and color dries out hair. My parents on the other hand will throw a fit if I send my son to school in most of those. Good thing is he is my child. lol

I love the way you described the punishments. Have you ever seen anyone experience this before? Lol

Funmilola Sodunke

Hmmn. I am a 'good' girl, no better words- I am a christian and I still love dreads! I encourage my brothers to wear afro against our mom's wish and my hubby finally caught the bug too... u can't imagine my giggles when I stare at his sometimes(like a school girl). But honestly, I love dreads... I really want to wear it....maybe when I do, I could have enough courage to plait my boys hair... good momma I am

Bimbola

This is hilarious. Your recall of ancient warriors made me wonder when we became so repressive in our culture. I love dreads, braids and afro on boys and men and will probably do any of them on my son's hair if he wants or agrees.

Lmao@ Even if you're patriotic and decide to dye this Mohawk green and white.
I should just do my dreads already.

Toinlicious Toin

@Eya: I concur, and I think many parents would agree with you, too. Those are more conservative choices.

@ilola:disqus : From your account it seems like the Afro is quite popular amongst teenagers. However, for the sake of the parents who would still not tolerate it, I'll leave it on the list.

@Lue : I guess the boy's braided hair did not raise his parents' blood pressure then :-D

@NollywoodREinvented:disqus : Craig who? Lol! Even from that angle, you still recognized him. Sharp eyes!

@AdeOla : For the sake of the grandparents' BP, please save the hairstyles on the list for the days when he is not visiting them.

@ea90a85b55cd48ddd694120869ae4fa5:disqus : Ha ha!

@google-3b2af549588583827e2dec7f3b0d5528:disqus : I actually haven't o. But for my mind sha, I have assisted in the flogging. Only in my mind.

@Bimbola : Lol at giggling like a school girl. That's just too cute. Since you love dreads, and your husband wears an Afro, neither of you would have high BP if your sons decide to follow suit. Ride on!

@myne_whitman:disqus : I guess with modernity, we lose some parts of our culture. As long as mummy and daddy agree, your son will rock braids, afro, etc. Clearly, this will not be a BP-raising ordeal :-)

@google-e78952a73612511bb24760ed9f5fb205:disqus : Yes o. Green, White, Green, will not remedy it. Please don't dye the dreads green and white. Stick with primary colors like red and blue *evil grin*

I almost died laughing at the description of the parents - they sound exactly like mine in each scenario!

Nick

Nick: Lol! I'm glad you got a good laugh out of it. I hope you didn't raise your parents' blood pressure though :-)

Eya "" wahala dey o" it seems like french from Côte d'Ivoire?

JMarc Lec

JMarc Lec: It's a Nigerian pidgin english slang. Do Ivorians say "wahala dey" too? That'd be interesting.

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