21 Intriguing Questions for the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe



Do you remember that nursery rhyme about the old woman who lived in a shoe?

You don't?!

*shaking head in slow motion*

That is totally unacceptable!  And yes, I am judging you.  We have to rectify (chei, see grammar!) this before Christmas.

Before the month of November ends, you must re-learn this nursery rhyme by force.  No, you don't have a choice.  :-)

Here is the version most of us are familiar with, courtesy of Wikipedia:

Good Pikin for House, Bad Pikin for School


For the record, Pikin means "Child."  Straight from the Nigerian Pidgin English dictionary ... if such a thing exists.

You know it is possible for a child from a good background, with "proper home training" like we say, to stray.  And the place where the child manifests that waywardness is in school.

Girls Must Cut their Hair: Why Do Schools Make this a Requirement?



Happy New Month! Can you believe there are just 2 months left before we welcome 2015? Amazing! It finally got cold at my end, but I am still in denial about winter's arrival.  Still hiding those boots away and wearing open-toed shoes. For now.

Atchoooooooo!

But, let's get to today's topic.

Generally, Nigerian school girls are expected to do something with their hair, especially if they attend public schools and government schools.  Private schools are more liberal, in my opinion, and some of them even allow students use hair extensions (attachment) during the school year.  But, I suppose with all the millions their parents sink into their school fees, that's a minor trade off, ba?

Open Day and Why Many Students Hated It


Okay, not all students hated "open day," but let's just say it wasn't an occasion students looked forward to.

Open Day is the one day in a semester/term set aside for parents and guardians to come to their child's school, meet with teachers and decide the fate of that child inspect the child's schoolwork to make sure he or she is on the right track academically.  That's all good on paper.

The Assistant Class Captain: What Exactly does He or She do?

Which of them is the Class Captain? I pick the only boy with the school bag.
The list of noisemakers is in his bag.

Following the previous post on Class Captains, the next logical step is to talk about the Assistant, ba? Thank you to every one who supplied ideas for what the assistant class captain does.

Next to the Class Captain, the assistant is the next most important person.  He or she essentially carries out the duties of the Class Captain when the Captain is sick or absent from class for whatever reason e.g. attending the National Conference of Class Captains in Nigeria, where competing Class Captains from the four corners of Nigeria meet in Abuja for one purpose: to compare lists of noisemakers to see whose list is the longest.  Or something like that.

When they are not attending this all-important conference, here are a few other things assistant class captains do:

Class Captain: The Student Everyone Loves to Hate


The Class Captain is the student who is usually elected by other classmates (if it's a democracy) or selected by the class teacher (if it's a teacho-cracy ... sorry, I meant 'dictatorship') to lead the class.  The presumption is that students are an unruly herd of cattle or pirates who need a captain.

Okay, seriously, students need one of their peers to represent them.  For most students, that's the lowest form of politics at the school level, and for some it is the training ground for leadership in subsequent years.

What Was in Your School Bag as a Student?


*Disclaimer: This leather bag is the school bag I wish I had when I was in school.  The one below looks more like the one I had, possibly purchased at Balogun market.

Makeup: What Age Should Nigerian School Girls Start Wearing it?



This might not be a big deal in America since schools usually allow girls to wear makeup.  It is quite normal to see girls in junior high (talk less of high school) wearing makeup.

However, in Nigeria, female students wearing makeup to school is generally forbidden.  If you went to primary and/or secondary school in Nigeria, can you imagine wearing makeup to school and your teachers' reaction? Assuming, of course, your parents (especially your mother) did not see your face that morning. Needless to say, that girl go chop cane taya!

The Quiet Janders Are Not Yet Born


After writing this post on the things that identify janded students, it occurred to me that janding was really a big deal if other students knew you had janded.  In other words, travelling abroad or 'janding' was useless if your classmates were unaware of where you had been.

Names of Noisemakers in Class: Where are they now?


Hopefully, you will remember this from your primary and secondary school days.  If you had this experience in your university days, ahhh ... I shake my head vigorously.  That's just terrible!

And what experience am I referring to? Well, in class, since teachers were concerned about maintaining 'law and order' (I almost added SVU and CI to that), they designated a fellow student to write down the names of noisemakers in class.  The student usually charged with this awesome task, a.k.a the "Sell-out" or "Traitor" was usually the Class Captain.  We'll talk more about the Class Captain some other time.  But for now, let's focus on that subjective list: list of noisemakers.

10 Crazy Things No Sane Student Would Ever Say to a Teacher


Happy New Month! Here is wishing you a very exciting and fulfilling September.  This is the first of the 'ember' months.  I smell Christmas in the air.  Do you?

To those in the US, Happy Labor Day.  Don't worry.  I plan to do little or nothing today :-)

I forget what I was doing or thinking when the idea for this post came to me.  Does it even matter? Okay, maybe after reading it, you can decide.  In no particular order, here are 10 crazy things I am sure no sane student would ever say to a teacher:

Nigerian Student Wahala No. 3: Gaining Admission into School

At every level of Nigeria's educational system, there are certain "hiccups" that prevent students from gaining admission to school.  I wanted to discuss them briefly in Part 3 of our ongoing series, Wahala of the Nigerian Student.



Reform or Overhaul: What Nigeria's Education System Needs

Nostalgia.  Sadness.  Hope.

Those three words describe the range of emotions I experienced when I saw this picture.  Here's the story.

Auditorium at Distance Learning Institute (DLI), University of Lagos // Flickr


6 Popular Hair Styles for Nigerian School Boys Guaranteed to Raise their Parents' Blood Pressure


Unless your parents are very liberal, chances are they restrict what you can do with your body under their roof.  By 'under their roof,'  I don't mean the house they built with their own blood and sweat.  That's unnecessary, and you would be inviting trouble if you dared to challenge your father especially on why he has not built a house like your friend's father (insert name of friend here).  

[Source]
But this is not about houses, rented or bought.  It's about your hair (or lack of it).  I had primary school and secondary school students in mind for this post because for the most part, they are still minors living with their parents at this stage.  The following list covers a few hairstyles, outside of the typical Gorimapa and Tyson,  which are guaranteed to raise your parents' blood pressure.  Of course, I hope you'll want to do the opposite.

Recommended Reading: All Ages

Here we go:

SCHOOL SPIRIT: Do Nigerian Students Show It? | Featured Artiste: Ogecha

According to Wikipedia, School spirit is "emotional support for one's educational institution." [Source] Contrary to your opinion, it is has NOTHING to do with Madam Koin-Koin, bush babies, and other unexplained mysteries that plague the Nigerian school landscape.  (Really, Relentless? School and landscape in one sentence? Must be this heat wave).  Madam Koin-Koin would win the title for The School Spirit, which is not what I wanted to discuss here today.  (Aside: I wonder if she wears Louboutins.  If you see her, you can ask her).  I was thinking of school spirit in terms of showing support for your school.  
[Image Source]

No speaking of vernacular in my class | Featured Artiste: Jimmy D Psalmist

Ver.nac.u.lar (noun) - using a language or dialect native to a region or country rather than a literary, cultured, or foreign language (Source).

That was one of the definitions I got from Merriam-Webster. However, 'vernacular' as I remember that term used in Nigeria referred to speaking any other language apart from English.  That included Pidgin English and every other Nigerian language.  And it was banned in some schools altogether.  Not that I cared to speak anything other than English in class, but the freedom of choice was what I questioned.  I don't recall having teachers explicitly give standing orders on this in my school.  But then, I attended a Federal Government Girls College, so maybe it was not an issue.  However, for students who attended Public schools, a.k.a Jakande schools, like we used to call them, it was an issue.

[Image Source]
Speaking vernacular in class was taken seriously and enforced accordingly.  The class captain for each class, had among his or her duties, to look out for students who inadvertently made the mistake of speaking vernacular in class.  The unfortunate student's name was written down by the class captain and promptly reported to the teacher for swift punishment.

7 Common Hair Styles for Nigerian School Girls

Growing up in Lagos, one of my not-so-fond memories (especially during my primary school years) was going to the market on weekends, to get my hair braided in preparation for school the following week.  As you already know, I was not alone.  Both me and my sister had to go through this ordeal week after week.  Of course there was the usual compare and contrast twins undergo with strangers, market women included.  Fun Apeere (For Example):

Market Woman (addressing the young, shy and scanty-haired Relentless): "Why is your own hair so scanty and your sister's hair is full?"

Relentless (At least, what my response should have been): "I don't know! Ask God!"

But that would have earned me a good slap from the said market woman, and even more slaps and a good round of caning by my mother, if she heard I had committed such an "atrocity." The conversation did not end there though, as you shall see.


Market-woman-turned-dermatologist (addressing both of us):  When you get home, tell your mummy to use *Adi-agbon (coconut oil) for your hair.

Relentless (thinking to herself): Adi-agbon ko, Adi-agbado ni!

Without boring you with any further details of my childhood, or going into details of the various unsavory "post-wiwi" odors I had to endure, all in the name of plaiting suku or kolese on my head, I decided to compile a list of hair styles that are common amongst school girls. Of course, you had to do these hair styles WITHOUT any attachments, i.e. hair extensions.  That was reserved for holidays.  (N.B:  I might compile a similar list for boys later on, but so far, the only entries I have are "Tyson" and "Gorimapa")

I had primary school and secondary school students in mind for this post. Here are the contenders (in no particular order):

Where it all begins [Featured Artiste: Gold Help Owen]


First off, I want to thank every single person that has commented or is following this blog.  I truly appreciate it!

Now, let’s get to it, shall we?! (*moon-walks, does a little hyper dance and cracks knuckles before finally sitting down calmly*)



I could not really think of what to call this blog post because although I knew what I wanted to talk about, I did not know how to approach the topic.  So, please bear with me if I seem a little scatter-brained today. So, one thing I have observed with regards to education in Nigeria and particularly, primary school education is that it is probably the MOST important part of the educational journey of a person.  I know you might think it is college that can be the deal-breaker, but primary school is it (in my own opinion sha), because it is the foundation on which everything else is built.  And when it is not solid, it shows in everything that individual does.  Okay, enough of abstract terms. Let me illustrate.