First University Graduate in the Family: Blessing or Curse?

First University Graduate in the Family: Blessing or Curse?

Nigerians place a very high premium on education. Translation: they like to acquire degrees.  A lot.

If you enter the sitting room (parlor) of a typical Nigerian family, in addition to family pictures, you are likely to see one or more school certificates prominently displayed for the whole world to know that Baba Bisi too went to school.  And graduated.

At the most basic level, I would say that you are not considered truly educated unless you have a Bachelor's degree.  In fact, some people will argue with you and say that a Master's degree is the minimum requirement to be considered truly educated.  I am sure if there were more advanced degrees than PhDs, Nigerians would pursue them too.  But until then ....

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Give a Child His Own Name, Not the Name of his Father or Grandfather

Give a Child His Own Name, Not the Name of his Father or Grandfather

The title pretty much sums up what I'm about to start ranting about.  But I will still rant sha.  In detail.

One common practice which I believe needs to be scrapped with immediacy and alacrity (yes, the occasion warrants using English words which Nigerians overuse and abuse well well) is giving children the names of their fathers, grandfathers and in fact, their ancestors.

Boys (not girls) are overwhelmingly affected by this practice.  I mean, how often do you hear a girl being called Mary, Junior, for example?  Or Florence, Junior?  Or even Mulikat the third?  Not common, if at all.  I know in Yoruba culture, for example, because of our strong belief in reincarnation, we have names for children based on relatives who have passed on, e.g.:

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Who Eats the Head of the Chicken in Your Family?

Who Eats the Head of the Chicken in Your Family?

I remember those trips to the market.  Walking to the section where the chicken sellers converged.  But before we even got there, you could smell them.  And hear them too.  The chickens, I mean ... not the sell--

Oh, never mind!

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Huggers, Choose Your Team: Team iLoveHugs, Team NoNearMe, Team AnythingGoes

Huggers, Choose Your Team: Team iLoveHugs, Team NoNearMe, Team AnythingGoes

I know the title says "huggers,"  but this post really applies to everyone: huggers and non-huggers alike.  In my own experience, I have come across three major categories of people when it comes to hugs.  I decided to group them as you will see in the subsequent paragraphs.

But before we jump in, I might as well confess, that I belong to the 2nd team: Team NoNearMe.  To a certain extent.

Oya, let me explain myself.

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Nigerian Women Living Abroad are More Promiscuous than Women Living in Nigeria

Nigerian Women Living Abroad are More Promiscuous than Women Living in Nigeria

First of all, thank you to everyone who checked up on me while I was away.  I appreciate it o :D

I am back from my "sabbatical" and have so much to say.  But, I'll ease in gently.

Now for today's post.

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Only Bad Boys Wear Jewelry; Good Guys Wear Wristwatches

Only Bad Boys Wear Jewelry; Good Guys Wear Wristwatches

Confession:  I thoroughly enjoyed looking for the picture to use for today's post. So many hot guys with or without jewelry. *fans self*

*in a deep Southern preacher's voice* : God is good!  *wink, wink*

So, after getting that confession off my chest, let me dive into today's post.

Whoosh! 

That was the sound of me diving.  In case you were wondering.  Or not. No, I didn't hurt myself.

Okay, let's start with a quick definition.

Jewelry are "decorative objects (such as rings, necklaces, and earrings) that people wear on their body."

Let's jump on the specific examples in the definition: rings, necklaces, earrings.

I can't tell you how many times I heard relatives (especially those in earlier generations like grandparents), pastors, teachers, etc make comments on a boy or man's character based on the jewelry he was wearing.

The common culprits are:

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When all else Fails, Invent a New Language

When all else Fails, Invent a New Language

This usually happens in church, but you know, you can probably think of other non-Church settings where this occurs. What "this" am I referring to?  Well, I'm glad you asked, but unfortunately, it doesn't have a name.

Let me explain.

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Do Nigerians Hate their Own Accent?

Do Nigerians Hate their Own Accent?

Let's try an experiment.  Go to Tunein.com.  It's a website where radio stations are streamed live from all over the world.  Since Nigeria is in the world, our radio stations are also included.

Next, go to the Nigerian radio stations.  Here's a shortcut to make your life easier: Nigeria Radio Stations on Tune in.

Then, just pick a random radio station on the list.  Any one.  Note the accent of the presenter or on air personality (assuming they are not playing commercials).

Repeat the process 5 or more times.

What were the results in terms of Nigerian accent versus American, British, etc?

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Define the Nigerian Dream: The Usual Suspects Served in Five Music Related Answers

Define the Nigerian Dream: The Usual Suspects Served in Five Music Related Answers

That's a Bugatti

Assume for a moment that you are sitting for an exam (WAEC/SSCE/JSCE/JAMB) or test (not a driving test sha), and the first question that is jeje-ly printed on the paper in front of you is this:

Define the Nigerian Dream

Please note that if you turn the paper to the other side, hoping that maybe it is a multiple choice question and the teacher mistakenly printed options A - D on the back, then you need to be flogged.

*in a teacher's voice, trying to sound important* "This is an essay question and you have fifteen minutes.  Start!"

Okay, so we are not really in class.  You can wipe that cold sweat off your forehead now.  *grins*

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That Noisy Church (or Mosque) on Your Street

That Noisy Church (or Mosque) on Your Street

National Christian Centre, Abuja a.k.a the Nigerian Ecumenical Centre,
located on Independence Avenue in the Central Business District 

I used to think that the trend of having local churches located in residential areas and having loud and noisy services at all hours of the day was a purely Nigerian affair.  That is, until I discovered that it happens in other parts of the world too, including Brazil.

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NEPA, I Blame You for all the Movies and Cartoons I Never Finished Watching

NEPA, I Blame You for all the Movies and Cartoons I Never Finished Watching

Dodo, the kid from outer space

I have no doubt in my mind that the first word of some babies born in Nigeria (maybe even me too) was NEPA, as opposed to "Mama" or "Papa" or even "Landlord."  Just as an aside, I wonder how many babies of tenants were actually fathered by the landlord.  Will we ever know? Okay, I won't go there.

But, NEPA (National Electric Power Authority) was a necessary part of every child's vocabulary.  Even though the name has been changed to PHCN, the effect is the same: erratic power supply.  As a child, I joined everyone in calmly reprimanding cursing and abusing NEPA when they 'took light,' and joined them in praising NEPA when power was restored.

UP NEPA!

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Naming Children After Cities, Towns, Villages: Would You Do it?

Naming Children After Cities, Towns, Villages: Would You Do it?

Here in the US, there are people who were named after American towns and cities.  So, you have people with names like:

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Class Awards Brand Students with Labels that Stick for Life

Class Awards Brand Students with Labels that Stick for Life

"... And the award for Miss Hot Legs goes to Jane Doe!"

I did not go to high school here in America, but I know that in secondary school in Nigeria, class award ceremonies were quite common.  Or maybe I should say 'are' if they are still being held.  A good deal of planning went into these award ceremonies (no, we did not dress up and wear evening gowns.  School uniforms had to do), and at the end of the day, awards were given for all sorts of things.

I went to an all-girls' secondary school, which explains why each of the following examples of the award categories are 'Miss This' or 'Miss That':

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Relentless Travels: Cities and States I have visited in Nigeria

Relentless Travels: Cities and States I have visited in Nigeria

Although I spent most of my time in Lagos, I actually travelled to other parts of Nigeria while I lived there.  I still have at least 30 more states to visit :-) However, I have been to these towns and states (you better not laugh):

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Calling your Boss by His or Her First Name

Calling your Boss by His or Her First Name

Power Distance is one of those things that shows the differences between cultures.  The Western world is known for having a lower power distance between employers and employees.  This is very different from say, African cultures, where a high power distance is the norm.

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Makeup: What Age Should Nigerian School Girls Start Wearing it?

Makeup: What Age Should Nigerian School Girls Start Wearing it?

This might not be a big deal in America since schools usually allow girls to wear makeup.  It is quite normal to see girls in junior high (talk less of high school) wearing makeup.

However, in Nigeria, female students wearing makeup to school is generally forbidden.  If you went to primary and/or secondary school in Nigeria, can you imagine wearing makeup to school and your teachers' reaction? Assuming, of course, your parents (especially your mother) did not see your face that morning. Needless to say, that girl go chop cane taya!

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The Quiet Janders Are Not Yet Born

The Quiet Janders Are Not Yet Born

After writing this post on the things that identify janded students, it occurred to me that janding was really a big deal if other students knew you had janded.  In other words, travelling abroad or 'janding' was useless if your classmates were unaware of where you had been.

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Parents Disowning Children: When is it right?

Parents Disowning Children: When is it right?

Parents hold their children very close.  And Nigerian parents are not different.  One of the duties and responsibilities of a parent is to educate their children on the things which their culture or society has labelled as "taboo."

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10 Notorious Happenings on Public Buses in Nigeria

10 Notorious Happenings on Public Buses in Nigeria

I started taking public transport when I was in junior secondary school.  I like to think that this was a positive, life-changing, enriching experience, but honestly, there are some things I wish I had not seen.  Don't worry.  After skimming this list, you'll understand.

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Bringing Your 'Home Pillow' on Your Travels

Bringing Your 'Home Pillow' on Your Travels

On my way to the bookstore to write this blog post, I saw two ladies exiting a hotel.  One of them had a pillow in her hand.  The other lady was hauling their luggage.  Anyway, seeing them got me thinking about pillows and travel.

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