Look, I have had enough! Ahn ahn! Ki lo de?! Na by force to speak English ni? I have quietly listened in horror, hoping against hope that my ears were deceiving me, but it is indeed true: Too many Nigerians are mis-pronouncing the name of a body part. It does not help that the said body part has been incorporated into many songs, most notably that children's song: Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes (Knees and Toes).
Now, my gripe is not with that song. Oh no! It is with the numerous Nigerians who are butchering this innocent body part name. How, you ask? I'm glad you asked. They call it ... (wait for it) ... KNEELS. *gasp of horror* To be very frank with you, most of the people I have encountered committing this blunder are Yoruba people. Oh yes! But this is not only a Yoruba problem. It is a Nigerian problem.
Let me give you examples:
In Church: Brethren, let us get on our KNEELS and ask the Lord for forgiveness.
Me (looking for my kneels): Huh? I don't have any kneels o!
In a random song: I get on my KNEELS.
Me (spoon drops from hand and clatters to the floor, scattering assorted pieces of goat meat and all those strange ingredients that are used to make pepper soup): This guy must be the 8th wonder of the world. He has a special body part the rest of us are missing.
In a random Nollywood movie (or Yoruba movie): Chai! If you see that girl's ashy KNEELS ehn, you go pick race! I mean ... is Vaseline so hesspensiff (expensive)?
Me (calls my sister): My dear, please show me your kneels. This girl just raised awareness on a major issue!
Now, those are my examples. Feel free to share yours. But I am not done o.
In case you are still wavering, let me give you three reasons why you should abandon this terrible habit of mis-pronouncing the word "knees" as "kneels." Step into the light. Okay, right after my reasons. Here they are:
- It takes more effort to say "kneels" as opposed to the correct word, i.e. "knees." Don't believe me? Oya try it. Just leave that pot of soup on the fire. Let it burn. Don't do your homework. Let the children feed themselves. And just try this exercise: Say KNEELS. Done? Okay, next Say KNEES. If you still disagree, I am sure you're saying "knees" in your native language. Repent.
- KNEELS is not a body part. It is a verb. e.g She kneels, He kneels,
We kneelsetcetera, etcetera
- See Number 2.
In conclusion, Kneels is not a body part. Knees are parts of the body and every man is born with two. Kindly refrain from mixing them up or else I might have to bite you. Believe me, you don't want me to do that *bares teeth*
So, what other irritating mis-pronounced words have you encountered lately? Abeg share so we can laugh together!